Tuesday, December 28, 2010
7) Eric Owens: Intense
I put absolutely no effort into this one. I just copied the story from the back of the card. Granted, it was a good story about him but still... that's card-blogging at its very laziest.
6) He's A Friar Now, Damn It!
This isn't the shortest or the worst entry but it was admittedly half-hearted. As noted in the post, I literally wrote it on my way out the door.
5) "Mud, you're the best, man."
Another example of my laziness, this entry consisted of nothing but a link to Gaslamp Ball's account of Sut's infamous visit with Matty V. and Mud back in '06.
4) You Write The Caption Contest, Volume 1
Undoubtedly, the first volume will also be the last. The contest was an absolute flop. Only three people submitted a caption and, after I declared them all co-winners, no one bothered to e-mail their address to me in order to claim their prize. Good in concept but terrible in execution.
3) Here's Some Filler ('06 UD Ben Johnson)
The title says it all. The entirety of the post is the transcript of an approximately three second exchange between me and a friend of mine.
2) Can Matt Antonelli Please Have #9 Back?
Oh, this was embarrassing. I wrote an empassioned plea that Antonelli be given his preferred uniform number of 9 as opposed to the 10 that the club issued him since nobody else on the 40 man roster was assigned that number. It was promptly pointed out to me that coach Ted Simmons was in possession of that digit. After the season, when Simmons left the organization, I was optimistic that Matt would be able to get his old number back next season. Alas, it was not to be as he was non-tendered and recently signed on with the Nationals.
1) Bruce Bochy: Dead To Me
This one sums up "phoning it in". It consisted of merely one sentence- an obscene, resentful and parenthetical sentence at that. This was shamefully my only post for the month of November.
13) Brian Johnson and Jeff Pearlman: Personal Heroes
This one was about my admiration of forward-thinking former Padres catcher Brian Johnson and his friend: author, sportswriter and blogger Jeff Pearlman
12) Fried Chicken And A Puddle
It's a story John Kruk once told me about him and Tony Gwynn. I thought about using a different Tony post for this list just because I managed to sneak a Bruce Springsteen video in it but I think this one is ultimately better.
11) 7 Random Facts About Garry Templeton
The day before, I asked readers what card I should write about next. There was a choice between five players and Templeton tied with Steve Finley. The comments were used as a tiebreaker.
10) A 'n' G Lies
This post about an Allen & Ginter of former face of the franchise Adrian Gonzalez combines two of my favorite things: Guns 'n' Rose's G 'n' R Lies album and badmouthing Jake "Cy Young, Dumb and Full Of Cum" Peavy.
9) Everybody Loves Blummer (No Pressure, No Problems)
I really enjoyed writing this one. It was a follow-up to the previous day's Sean Burroughs And My Hatred Of The Word "Potential". It's less about Blum and Burroughs than it is about expectations and how they skew perceptions.
8) This Tuesday's Guest: SDPads1 from RJ's Fro on Wally Joyner
Just what it sounds like. In FoC's second guest spot, SDPads1 of RJ's Fro and .400 In '94 wrote about Wally World's tenures in San Diego as both a player and as a hitting coach.
7) Ten Trivia Gems
Featuring ten pieces of information you may or may not know about Padres history. Pictured are four cards: two Caminitis, a Greg Vaughn and a Sean Burroughs. Since this was a May post, even Burroughs was rocking some beard.
6) This Thursday's Guest: Steve From White Sox Cards on Shawn Abner
As the title states, Steve from the excellent White Sox Cards blog wrote about former Number 1 draft pick Shawn Abner who spent time with both clubs among others. It was FoC's third guest post.
5) The Klesko Facial Hair Chronicles: Volumes 1 (Facehawk), 2 (Chopgoat), 3 & 4 (Circlegoats) and 5 (Chinblock and Soul Triangle)
While this was four posts, I'll count it as one since it was a series spread out over a few days. It was part of The Month Of The Beard festivities.
This was the first of three guest posts this year. It was written by Friars fan and friend of the site Alex Kasendorf. It's about watching games with his dad when he was a lad.
3) The FoC 100th Post Celebratory Review and Beardstravaganza
This post came near the end of May (a.k.a. Beard Month). It includes fourteen cards featuring various stages of beardedness.
2) My Month In Zanesville (Featuring Token Mentions of Jay Payton & Chris Young)
This is one of the longest FoC posts ever. It mentions when Chris Young nearly threw a no-hitter while I was spending 30 days in Jay Payton's hometown. It includes excerpts from letters I wrote home during that month.
1) Baseball Heals All Wounds (A Tale Of Joey Cora, My Mom & Me)
This is my favorite thing I've ever written. It's a heartwarming (gasp!) story about how baseball brought my mother and I back together. I wrote it on her birthday.
Monday, December 27, 2010
By the time of the trade, Clement had pretty much worn out his welcome in San Diego. In his second season, he was worse than the first. He lost 17 games and led the league in walks and wild pitches. He didn't fare much better in black and teal and was shipped to Chicago 364 days later. Eventually he was named an All Star with Boston in 2005, his penultimate season. Probably best remembered for his various goatees, Clement has gotten back to his roots. He now spends his days in suits and sweats as the basketball coach of his high school alma mater.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I don't think I need to tell you who I'm rooting for in the World Series. I hate the Giants with a passion usually reserved for rapists and Carlos Mencia; also, Texas has a few players who are nearly impossible to root against including the drug-free duo of Josh Hamilton and C.J. Wilson- quite the contrast to our beloved Cammy who spent some of the twilight of his career (and sadly, his life) in Arlington. The way that wrinkle makes his jersey read on that card is the saddest kind of funny...
Friday, October 22, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Back during May as I was celebrating the wonder that is the May Beard, I had the idea of doing a "Mustache Monday" feature and promptly forgot about it as quickly as it had came to me. Well, I've churned out a few and set them to autopost the next few Mondays so this won't turn out as ill-fated as the "Tuesday's Trevor" idea which never really got off the ground- though I do have one set to go for tomorrow. Upcoming stache-rockers include Shane Mack, Gene Harris, Craig Lefferts, Chris James and of course Boch- both as a player and a manager.
Upcoming posts include one later today about Joey Cora, my mom and me (today's her birthday), a 2006 First Bowman Chrome Ernesto Frieri, the aforementioned Tuesday's Trevor, a Thursday Tony Gwynn and a little something about my love of camoflage. As always, I'm sincerely grateful for everybody that's reading this and I welcome your thoughts, criticism, and contributions. Sorry for my predictably unpredictable hiatus; thanks for being around when I finally came back. WG, I really sound like an alcoholic...
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Our story begins with me driving the two hours from my house to Columbus to watch my friend Matt Fagtard's band Dirty Alleys/ Dirty Minds open up for Cheap Sex and The Scarred, help move their instruments and gear from their practice house to the venue and to of course hang out and party before, during and after the show. I started drinking before noon and was predictibly extremely drunk by the time the show started at 7 or so. As would be expected, I kept drinking and much of the night is grayed out. I remember giving three tattoos over the course of the day including one to the singer of The Scarred that I finished no more than five minutes before they took the stage. I remember giving my keys to Matt before the show and the last thing I remember is being given a throw pillow and being shown a piece of floor to sleep on.
The next thing I can remember happened three or four hours later. I was awoken by the worst sound I'd ever heard- an indescribable cacophony of metal on metal. I looked to my right and was nearly blinded by the bizarro double rainbow of more sparks than Jennifer Beals's day job scenes in Flashdance. The front right of my beloved Jetta was pinned under the cab of a semi! I was driving! Well, to be more realistic, I was in the driver's seat while being dragged at 90 MPH. What?!?! In spite of my terror, bewilderment and still present hammeredness- likely aided by adrenaline from the shock of finding myself in the situation of closing my eyes on a floor and opening them in my car certain I was dying, I managed to manuever my miraculously still drivable car from what I thought was our executor. I drove a few more miles before being bluelighted by Ohio Highway Patrol; that part of the story goes exactly as you'd expect it to. I was awakened after maybe two hours of sleep in holding and led before the judge. Still unbelievably drunk, I plead no contest, expecting a fine and maybe a day in jail since it was a first offense. The judge, noting on record that my appearance indicated a blatant disregard for society, instead sentenced me to thirty days. That's how I came to find out where Jay Payton is from.
I got to watch the Padres one time- on my last day there. It was when CY took a no-hitter against Pittsburgh into the ninth. Until that point, I wore a poker face the whole time I was there in times both bad and not quite so bad because that just seemed like the thing you were supposed to do. But when ESPN cut to the game, I was jubilant. All the happiness that had no reason to leave to show itself for over four weeks came out that moment. As you know, my joy was short-lived as Joe "Makes Me Hate My Own First Name" Randa wrecked it one out later.
During my time there, I wrote to my then-wife every day. Here are some excerpts:
Saturday, August 26th...It is so hard to think with these crackheads in here: "HAAAAA- YEAAH, NIGGA! NAH, F'RIL, DOE; F'RIL, DOE; YEEAH, NIGGA- HAHAHAHA" on and on repeating each others' nonsense trying to act hard ending every sentence with "nigga", YELLING FOR NO REASON constantly even when it's just one, endlessly talking about all things crackish, making loud noises for no reason, more jibberish repeated at least two times apiece......Everybody's out there watching the Browns game- I was out there for a few and a guy asked me "You like the Browns, nigga?" All I could come up with was "I'm wearing their colors aren't I?"
Thursday, August 31st...I keep having very realistic dreams and all I ever do in them is get drunk. I had one last night- I recall sitting in the backseat of someone's car drinking 22s out of a plastic bag. Typical... I have never heard the word "nigga" as much in my life as I have these past eleven days. It's like there's a contest and everyone's getting paid per use. It's ridiculous. These kids didn't get that from the streets, they got it from movies. That- and my cellmate who is the most flagrant user of "nigga" at the dumbest times is my height or less and the same build. He wears a 4X jumpsuit. Yeah. He and a few other "tough guys" fooling nobody but themselves like to not wear the part from the waist up and roll or tie it around their waist- or just have it on but unsnapped all the way down so you can see their "draws". The most retarded was when one of these goons was wearing it the first way I described so he had to walk around with his blanket over his shoulders wrapped around him to stay warm. Seriously. That's even dumber than the guy flipping through the channels stopping for a few minutes on the Weather Channel. You can't make this shit up...
They're watching the MTV VMAs- I stuck my head out because I heard the Chili Peppers but AFI won and of course my "bunkie" was like "You like them." Me: "Uh, no. Fuck them." Him: "But you gots to. Look at they hair." Me: "No. Fuck them." Him: "Aw, they GANGSTA, nigga...(jibberish)" OH, IT JUST GOT BETTER. As I was writing the word "jibberish" we got called out for head count so the interrogation resumed. "You like dat 'You're beautiful' song?" (it came on earlier so now, NO LIE, at least twice every minute you hear someone "singing" those two words as high-pitched as possible) Me: "No, I don't." This went on. One guy suggested I might like Marilyn Manson. Nope. "Who you do like?" "Uh, Social Distortion, The Bouncing Souls, Ran..." "Yo, Norris you eva hear of Search of Da Planet? He say he like them."
Tuesday, September 5th...They're out there watching some lame-o movie that they watched last week just because Angelina Jolie's in it. Whatthefuckever. One, she's weird looking and two, I don't get the whole being completely rapt with someone fully clothed on TV that you think is attractive. They haven't been here that long. I think it's more of a thing they do to let everyone know how straight they are. I don't think it's a jail thing; I think it's more of a macho douchebag thing. If they were "on the out" watching a football game they'd start hopping and pointing at the screen any time they showed a cheerleader: "Yo, she BANGIN', dawg!" Thankfully, I'm not the only one here who's not an idiot. Well, no, I take that back. If I weren't an idiot, I'd be at home right now. OH! That reminds me of a few days ago; I got done with the crossword puzzles, Jumble and cryptowhateveritscalled so I took the paper out there and set it down. Immediately, this curious no-neck picks it up and looks at me suspiciously and asks "You smart or something?" You could almost see the wheels turning in his head: "Must... eliminate... all... intelligence." So, the first thing that popped in my head was "No, I wouldn't be here if I was smart." He said something that sounded like "aw. Huh." but could have been just about anything and walked away. So, I sat there and read the A-section for at least five peaceful minutes before the lightbulb went off in his disproportionally small, shaved head. He walked up to me and said (remember- it had been five minutes) "Hey, I'm in here. You sayin' I'm not smart?" It took every ounce of inborn self preservation to keep from bursting into laughter before I could straightface a "We all got caught"...
Monday, June 28, 2010
It's long forgotten now, but Trevor wasn't always #51. From the time he came over from the Marlins in the Sheffield deal through the end of that season, he rocked the unfamiliar #34. Mike Maddux had #51 in '93 and, for reasons unbeknownst to me, Trevor took it over in his absense the next spring. Without doubt, Trevor's #51 will be the next number to take its place aside the familiar 6 19 31 35 42. Knowing that The Pissin' Professor's big brother was the last to wear 51 before Trevor, let's look at who was the last to wear each of the retired numbers.
- 6- retired for Steve Garvey in 1989: In 1988, the year between Garvey's retirement and his number's, Keith Moreland wore #6 as he had previously in Philadelphia and with the Cubs before switching to #7 partway through the season. He is the only man to wear the number since The Garv.
- 19- retired for Tony in 2002: before T, the last man to wear #19 as a Padre was Gene Richards in 1978.
- 31- retired for Dave Winfield in 2001: last worn by Matt Clement in 2000. He switched to #21 partway through the season.
- 35- retired for Randy Jones in 1997: last worn by Al Osuna in 1996
- 42- retired by all of baseball in 1997: last worn by "Not That" Pedro Martinez in 1994.
Friday, June 18, 2010
I have quite a few Bips, but not this one. I had never seen this card until 2007 when it was passed through me digitally by my two favorite Coreys. Wait, what? Well, one Corey e-mailed me the scan and I promptly forwarded it to another Corey- my then-brother-in-law and noted all-around-good-guy who's the biggest Bip fan I know (It's worth noting that Corey 1 HATES Bip as much as Corey 2 loves him). Also note that I said 'two favorite Coreys'- I don't want Kory Blum or Cory Davis or any Coris to take offense. I'm pretty sure I've offended Corey Cooper but that's definitely not a first. One infamous night a few years ago, a bunch of us were hammered drunk and, according to all accounts I yelled at him a bunch that "Corey Cooper doesn't tell me what to do! When the hell has a Corey Cooper told a Joe Lanek what do do? Never! See, Tyler Kirk might be able to hint around and suggest what might be a good idea but he doesn't tell me what to do- and he's Tyler Kirk! And if Tyler Kirk doesn't tell me what to do, then some Corey Cooper SURE AS FUCK doesn't tell me what to do!" Later through the night, my cousin Mitchell ended up getting antiqued with an entire bag of flour and eventually I broke three bones in my hand punching Tyler in the shoulder at like seven in the morning. Yep, good times...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Well, May is over and I have a dilemma. On my chin is exactly one month of growth. I'm not sure whether to shave it off because a May beard is good for May and May only or whether I should do the Crash Davis thing and respect the streak. It's down to just the chinpiece because I shaved the sides after getting swept by the filthy effin' Dodgers because something obviously needed to change. When that got stale and we lost consecutive games to the Mariners and Nationals, it was the soulpatch's time to go. There was never any 'stache to bump off for the good of the team because I make a point to keep that zone free and clear on a daily basis. Not on my face, lipwarmer... But, at any rate, what do you guys (and gals but you know what I mean) think? There's a poll on the sidebar; feel free to express any additional thoughts on the matter in the comments.
Note: Poll closes at first pitch of tonight's game.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Calvin Schiraldi pitched for the Padres toward the beginning of my fandom but I have no real recollections of him. Sure, I'd see his name in the box score or get the occasional card but he never really appeared on my radar. Later, I'd go on to read about his exploits in the '86 World Series and to this day that's still pretty much the only time I ever see him referenced. But, that's all neither here nor there; all that matters is that it's still May and he's rockin' three degrees of bearditude.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Each of the past two days, I've wanted to post a Jerry Hairy card to celebrate both his unlikely game-winning home run and his unlikely game-winning walkoff home run but, alas, the only card I have of him that I haven't already posted depicts him fully clean-shaven and, as you know, that just doesn't fly around here- not until June 1st at least. So, with that not an option, I'm just going to toss up another batch of beards accompanied by a slew of completely unrelated Padres facts. I hope you enjoy.
1) Of all Major League franchises, the Padres hold the second-WORST all-time winning percentage (.463)- second only to the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays (.432). This season, the Pads have the second-BEST winning percentage (.609) in MLB- second only to the Tampa Bay Rays (.681).
2) Even the most casual fan knows that we've never had a pitcher throw a no-hitter and that we've never had a batter hit for the cycle. However, I frequently notice people inquiring whether we're the only team to not have one or the other. The answer? Yep. However, this was not the case until my brother Paul's birthday last season when BJ Upton of the aforementioned Rays relieved his club of sharing that dubious dishonor with ours.
3) Also well known is that 2001 inductee Dave Winfield was the first player depicted wearing a Padres hat on his Hall Of Fame plaque, joined only by Mr. Padre himself six years later. The first member to have at one point played for the Friars was elected a decade and a half earlier- Willie "Stretch" McCovey in 1986, pictured appropriately wearing a Giants cap.
4) In addition to weighing considerably more than two of me, gargantuan first baseman stuck in left field Kyle Blanks was born on the same day in the same year as my younger brother John. There wasn't much celebrating happening on their fifteenth birthdays as some b-holes chose that day to jack some planes and forever alter the Manhattan skyline and American history books for the worse.
5) In their 42 seasons of play, the Padres have used 23 different Opening Day starting pitchers, led by four-timers Randy Jones, Eric Show and Jake Peavy. Oddly, six hurlers have had multiple Opening Day starts in non-consecutive years: Jones ('75-'77, '80), Show ('84, '86-'87, '89), Ed Whitson ('88, '91), Bruce Hurst ('90, '92), Andy Ashby ('96, '99) and Woody Williams ('01, '05).
6) Halfway through the 1990 season, "Trader" Jack McKeon was replaced as manager with Greg Riddoch. Both men posted identical .463 win percentages.
7) Although 1980 was Dave Winfield's final year as a Padre and he played his last Major League game in 1995, his #31 was not retired until 2001. It was last worn in 1999 by Matt Clement who switched to #21 the following season.
8) 1992 was a record book year for two soon-to-be-jettisoned sluggers. Fred McGriff became the only Padre ever to lead the league in home runs while Gary Sheffield won the batting title- the only Friar other than Tony Gwynn to do so.
10) Shrek and Jairston are the ninth set of brothers who have both worn the Padres' uniform. Including the Hoffmans with Glenn serving as third base coach, the Hairstons are the sixth set to suit up at the same time and the fifth set- along with the Alomars, Mr. Padre and Chris, the Gileses and the Fightin' Gonzali- to be teammates. The three sets of Friar hermanos whose tenures in San Diego didn't overlap are Phil and Jerald Clark, Melvin and Wil Nieves, as well as Mike Maddux and The Professor.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Although this is the one hundredth post, more than a hundred cards are depicted. Including the fourteen in this post, 138 to be exact. This is the part where I get my Wonko on and have some fun breaking down numbers that nobody else is even remotely interested in:
- 3 guest posts
- 16 Tony Gwynn posts, 33 cards (24%)
- 10 cards of Padres pictured with other teams (Abner, Furmaniak, Gaudin, Sut, Jerry Hairy x2, Cora x2, C. Gwynn & B. Giles) (7%)
- 7 non Padres sharing a card with a Padre (Edgar Martinez, A-Rod, Brett Butler & Will Clark w/ Tony, Matt Holliday w/ Adrian & J.R. House and Juan Castro with Ben Davis) (5%)
- Two Dodgers (Butler, C. Gwynn) are pictured, albeit with all references to filthy Dodgerdom obscured.
- 19 players pictured more than once, led by Tony's 33; Klesko & Adrian have 6 & 5 respectively; Broke, Joey, Abner & Briles have 3 apiece.
- This month has far and away been the most prolific, with 29 posts to date showcasing 45 cards, including 23 Tonys in 14 posts. Tied for second are February & April of this year with 12 each.
- Two back to back posts in February are tied for the most comments with 7.
- 63 posts are tied with zero comments.
- My friend Shane a.k.a. Shizzle a.k.a. Sheezy is mentioned, inferred to or referenced on 6 occasions.
- Aside from the two Abners Steve sent with his post, there has been 1 reader contribution.
- 4 logoless oddball cards are depicted
- 1 post doesn't have a card- it's the most important post of them all.
- Gaslamp Ball is mentioned, linked or alluded to more times than can be counted.
- Heath Bell has been mentioned the most times without being profiled
Well, I think that just about puts a bow on it. I'd like to use this part to thank everybody who has read, commented on, retweeted, linked, contributed to or had anything whatsoever to do with these first hundred posts. As always, feedback, submissions, suggestions and anything else you can come up with are more than welcome. Thanks once again.
The last three face-farms were rather man-dude; this one is pretty dude-bro in comparison. Nevertheless, I like it from an aesthetic perspective; it stands out with about being distracting, detracting and/or ridiculous- most of his other looks were at least two if not all three of those...
The next and final(?) installment of this series, depicting a naked-faced Ryan, will be here on June 1st, the high holiday Saint Shavey O'Getthatshitoffyourface's Day which is celebrated by Gaslamp Ballers around the world- I think you know how we observe it. Until then, you won't be seeing any clean-shaven mugs adorning the front page of this humble blog.
Monday, May 24, 2010
I love how he has such a serious face in this picture because nobody looking at it could possibly do the same. It reminds me of the classic Ozzie chopstache, just with a circle goat instead of just a lip warmer. My friend Shane has rocked this look before and I ridiculed him as well, although this was clearly a case of "haters gon' hate" as anyone who has seen my meager collection of sparse face pubes can attest.
Here's Klesko with his most understated look. Some call it a soul strip but when I rocked it, I just called it a facehawk.